Secret of Restoring Intimacy

The more open you are in your relationship the more you stand to enjoy each other. Openness results in trust, and trust leads to more openness. This cycle provides a great environment for friendship and fun in a relationship.

However whenever there is a break in trust or hurt, the most common way people respond is by closing up. In order to prevent further hurt, you feel the need to protect yourself and so you close up.

The very thing that has fuelled your relationship now comes under threat. Even though everything might seem okay, the truth is intimacy is impaired by hurt when not exposed and dealt with properly.

Hurt can be compared to a faulty cell in the body that needs to be cut off or else other parts of the body might become infected causing more damage.

When hurt is left alone, and more hurt comes along, such a relationship gradually grows distant and becomes unhappy.

One of the ways to quickly deal and prevent any hurt from damaging your intimacy is to dare to trust again. Dare to trust in the midst of your pain. Tell your spouse how you have been hurt.

This will require you being vulnerable again, let your spouse know you have enjoyed your intimacy and growing friendship and that is why in spite of your feelings you have dared to be vulnerable.

If you are in this situation try not to prove anything. ‘You hurt me’ should be followed by a response like ‘I am sorry I didn’t mean to, would you please forgive me’. This makes it easier to forgive and let go of the hurt.

Don’t take each other for granted, openness and trust is not cheap. When your spouse gives you an opportunity to resolve issues, be sensitive and gentle, it’s not a time to defend yourself, especially if your spouse did not accuse or judge you.

If you have been hurt, give your spouse another opportunity to make things up, let your spouse know that you value and are prepared to preserve the intimacy between you.

Why not try discussing how you would deal with hurt, how does the hurt person communicates their hurt without being hurt more, as well as making sure the vulnerable person is treated with care, sensitivity and love.